What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Who knew that Heather Small had asked such an important question! It’s occurred to me recently, as I’ve got to know many different kinds of people that we each have our own expectations and measures of success.  Quite often, as a stay at home parent, these successes seem minor or it feels unnecessary to acknowledge them.  Take the washing for example, how many households have to perform this task on an almost daily basis whilst juggling the commute to work, a 10 hour day and all that comes with it?  But the demands of parenting can be just as numerous and we often don’t give ourselves enough credit for the ‘minor successes’ that we really should acknowledge. 

I love to see the joy on my children’s faces kicking through the autumnal leaves, the unprompted manners when we’re out, and the building our own family Christmas traditions.  I have taught myself not just to savour the moment, though that is a big enough lesson in itself, but to allow myself a sense of pride at having contributed to the little lives that bring so much joy to so many people.  Now, don’t get me wrong, of course there are times when I cannot savour the moment and would rather forget certain incidences but if we take time to count the last 48 hours there surely must be more moments that I’ll wish could last that little bit longer, that I should write down, that I should try harder to commit to my memory bank.  As my children grow I realise increasingly the need to take each day as it comes and to find the something good in every day.  I have joked in the past at the end of some days that it’s enough they’re alive and I’m alive.  Believe me there will still be days like that, but even in the midst of chaos, disobedience, short-tempers (mine as well as theirs!) there must be something to savour.  To look for that heart connection in your relationship, that they care enough to share things with you: even if it is through whiney voices, to fight so strongly for what they believe is their justice: even if that means fighting with a sibling, or to be so transfixed and engrossed in something you’ve provided for them: even if that means ignoring the third ask of cooperation; is crucial to finding the sweet spot of parenting. 

Quite often days as a parent are filled with ups and downs, and one of the flaws in our human nature is to focus on the downs.  It’s too easy to focus on the negatives, the failings and the mistakes.  Because parenting is 100% relational it makes it so much easier to focus on things that go wrong.  Why?  I believe that because we parent out of WHO we are, not what we’re trained or qualified to do, it becomes easier to highlight failings than to focus on positives.  I believe most people are anxious about appearing arrogant when it comes to parenting.  I’m not talking about those who comment on other people’s flaws or those who are always there to offer ‘advice’.  I’m talking about those who are genuinely doing the best job at raising the next generation to be an asset to society.  Future teachers, nurses and business people who value others and have a respect for those around them.  If you have ever had someone say to you “your child is lovely” what has your response been?  Have you ever quipped “not all the time” or “you should’ve seen them this morning!”?  To even precede those comments with a “thank you, BUT” is not what our first response should be.  We should learn to accept compliments, especially those given to us via our children rather than default to negatives.  It shouldn’t be thought of as conceited to acknowledge that your child is delightful or kind, or that they are friendly.  And the thing is that it is a reflection of your ‘work’.  They are your investment.  They have been shaped and moulded by you, regardless of their biological personality traits.  You have designed not just part of who they are, but HOW they are and how they impact the world around them.   You may not get a performance related pay rise, or a professional development review, and there is certainly no chance for promotion on the horizon!  Remind yourself that this IS the highest you can go, not because you’re not good enough for anything else but because there is no more important job than to raise children who know love and are able to therefore show love wherever they go.

This week’s challenge, to all of you, those with no children, or grown up children, as well as little ones is to write an inventory of some recent successes.  Not just the things that can be easily measured like doing a load of washing, though for some that is an achievement in that certain day to be proud of.  But of aspects of people’s behaviour that you have contributed towards, or acts of yours that have positively impacted other’s behaviour.  I will wager that once you get started there are actually a lot more things on your achievements list than you could recall if someone casually asked you “how was your day?” and that when you get to thinking about it things were a lot better than you realised at the time.  The biggest challenge of all is to realise at the time when things are going well and of course to let it sink in that I should feel proud about this!  So, what have YOU done today to make you feel proud? Much more than you realise, if you’ll let yourself believe it!