From Mother to Daughter

This year Mother’s Day got me thinking a bit more about where we all find our identity. For many women out there the day can bring up really hard emotions; sometimes of loss, grief, disappointment or longing. It made me wonder how a day can evoke such a deep emotional response within us. I know many different kinds of amazing women; those who are mothers of living children, those whose children are in heaven, those who’ve chosen not to have children, those who invest in children who are not biologically their own, and those who live with sadness at not being able to have their own children. And I realised that in all of those distinctions, in all our difference there is one fundamental thing that we have in common. That is, we are all daughters first. All of these women, represent many different stories, but all share the fact that they are daughters. Of course we need to be considerate of difference, and respectful of the emotions that come with each story.  I’m a huge advocate of leaning into those emotions, sharing with trusted friends who can help process your journey with you.  If we all allow space to acknowledge our emotions then we can start to own our stories well, appreciating difference and learning from each other with empathy and understanding.  But ultimately it’s not about who I am beyond what has always existed.  I may be wife, mother, friend, teacher now, but I have always been daughter.  I’m the daughter of two wonderfully loving earthly parents, but even that is not the experience shared by everyone.  Of course there are those who’s stories differ from a white-picket fence version of family.  And yet we still hold daughter as our uniquely shared identity.  Whether you were raised by two parents who loved you and each other, or whether you were raised by a mother who didn’t give birth to you, or whether you feel unable to say you were ‘raised’ as oppose to having had to raise yourself, you are STILL daughter.  And it’s not even your natural parents who define you as that. You are known, loved and seen by the only perfect parent; your Father in heaven. And always have been. He formed you and knit you together before your earthly mother knew you were there. He saw you in that quiet, secret place. He calls you by name because He designed you and thought about you before time began. 

For the last few years God has taken me on an incredible journey into discovering more of what it means to be daughter.  But it’s not always as easy as holding onto that identity. Everything else can seem so much easier to identify with, it’s more tangible, it’s more quantifiable.  The measures can be done with a quick-check line of conversation; “I’m a good friend because I helped someone struggling with a work situation, or  I’m a good mother because I kept my children safe”.  But even those examples require something of us. Although it may not be intentional my behaviour and identity is analysed by my actions, by me ‘doing’ something.  Which is why I think it’s still so difficult for us to own and understand our identity as child; daughter, son.  These labels don’t require anything of us. We don’t need to prove who we are. The title is determined by the parent.  It’s your Father who speaks that word over you.  He calls you.  He calls me.  He doesn’t say ‘you’re my daughter if...’ or ‘you’re my son when you.....’. There are no conditions to his declaring “You are mine”! The reason I can be so confident that I don’t have to work or earn for God’s approval and love is because he said the same to Jesus at his baptism. He has the final say in who I am.  And the easiest part is also the scariest… I don’t do ANYTHING to achieve that name, I can’t do ANYTHING to change it.  

When my world fell apart last year the core of who I was got rocked so deeply. When I allowed myself to be defined by others and also by what I did, I lost my way. I got distracted. I took my eyes off the only One who really matters. I’d untuned my ears from hearing the only voice that matters. I let myself forget who I was. I spent too much time, too much energy, trying to be a better this, a better that, a better ‘other’. If given too much significance to the other labels that had attached themselves to me. But I am Rowena. I am daughter. And not just any daughter, a precious and highly valued daughter. So are you. You are the apple of his eye. You hold a special key to bless His heart in a unique way. No one else can take your position and no one else can replicate His heart on earth the way you were born to. Spending time with Father is where I can unlock the power of living from this treasured identity.  I can’t live from the position of mother, or friend.  I can perhaps ‘achieve’ things under these labels and be these things to others but if they’re my source then if challenged or taken away that leaves me dangerous and vulnerable.  I run the risk of trying to fill the void, of trying to prove who I am by performing better, or differently, or more effectively.  Living from a place of anything except our sonship or daughterhood can and will be challenged.  But if I live, serve and love from my position as daughter than nothing anyone can ever do or say to me will change that.  I am confident that I will not be shaken as a daughter of the King of heaven.  This relationship needs cultivating in the secret place.  Its about investing time to hear His voice.  It’s vital to listen into who He says you are.  And the fact that your expression of daughter will look different from mine is what makes it so amazing.  You are a different daughter from me because you reflect the Father’s heart in a unique way.  Your daughterhood WILL look different, and that’s ok!  That’s encouraging!  When we champion our sisters who are living from their place of daughterhood no-one can challenge that. So lean in today. Seek out His voice about all the others that vie for your attention. He calls you beloved.  He calls you by name. He calls you daughter.