From Surrender to Victory

2017 certainly was a battle for me. And I'm sure you've had your own too.  Some of the battles I faced were more public and obvious, others more personal and internal. There are many things about last year I’d wish to forget and leave behind. Lots of memories I wish I could erase and feelings I could forget. But even in all the mess I have learnt so much about myself, about others and about what I believe true strength looks like. The victory lies in the fact that I have made it into 2018. Sometimes it has literally been by the skin of my teeth, gripping tightly by the tips of my fingers. Trying to catch my breath while it felt like all around me was imploding. It’s felt at times like I’ve been taken out from the knees. I was crushed and I stumbled. It felt like my most common posture was lying face down in the dirt. 

BUT despite all that I’m still here. I know now more than ever that strength isn’t about physical power. Instead it can be found in the darkest places, away from it all. It’s in the choice to listen as the still small voice says ‘hold on’ and ‘have another go’. It’s found in the dignity of silence rather than shouting loudly from the rooftops. It’s found in the daily choice to remain, to be present. My strength has been found as I’ve been at my weakest, acknowledging my need for someone bigger than myself. 

Battles of the mind, as well as those more material external struggles out of our control, can be an exhausting daily struggle. Some of you know the specifics of the battles I’ve faced but most of you do not. And neither do you need to. What you will know is that I am still here.  And I am strong because I am still here. I have found a strength that is beyond me and yet within me at the same time.  In my surrender of letting things go I have become stronger. Trading my hurts, pains and disappointments for His presence and comfort is where I have grown. He is my strength, the source of all my hope. I will not insist on trying to strive or muster up unhelpful solutions by chasing my own ‘fix-it’ plan. Instead I will lean into His presence and trust in His goodness as He breathes life into what the enemy attempted to turn into a wasteland. 

The thing is that we already know the ending. We know that, although he’ll have a good go at deceiving us otherwise, spinning lies and attacking the core of who we are, the enemy has been defeated. Jesus has won. The sigh of relief from the whole of creation as He uttered those final words ‘it is finished’ can be our relief too. Whatever our current realities we can hold onto that eternal promise when we face daily battles, whether physical or emotional. That pain? It is finished. That hopelessness? It is finished. That broken heart? It is finished. Those tears? They are finished. Because when He fully surrendered He won. He claimed victory over the enemy and defeated evil. And when I fully surrender I win too. My circumstances may look no different, the pain may still need processing and the hope will have to blossom again, but blossom it will because the truth of His word never changes. He fights for us, He stands with us. He will never leave you or forsake you. My response to this is crucial. My choices are imperative. To give into the battle or to ‘give in to Him’ is the most important decision you will make. And the surrender to Him is where our strength is found. So I will remain. I will continue to draw on His strength and not my own. It’s the only way to claim the victory that is already my inheritance. Leaning in and fully surrendered. And the best encouragement is that although others may not know the intricacies of the battle, they may not even acknowledge your strength, still He does. He sees it all. He knows the fight you’re facing. He champions you. He declares over you the promise that ‘it is finished’. And He cheers you on, smiling as your strength begins to rise. The paradox of winning from a place of surrender can be yours too. Choose His strength, not your own!